Is there no end to how terribly annoying people can be? Must they be like that? Is there nothing they can do?

Why do people pretend to like someone when their actions show otherwise? Do people not understand the meaning of the word love? To give things, to share. That is what people would do, what people do do. That is the difference. Its a huge one isn't it.

I can't make anyone feel anything.

So I have figured this thing out about me and relationship things. I like people who spend money on me. I don't know why. Its not the fact that I want all these things or anything, its that I like people thinking that I am worth more than money. That I am worth that. If they don't, then what am I really to them?

Sometimes it is so obvious that all I have is me. I wish I had others. People to tie me down, to ground me. People who made me care - or people I could make myself care about. I try. I do make myself care, and then they hurt me.

I did not want much. Today I realised I was going to be all alone for Easter. The entire Easter weekend. I thought it would be nice to have something with my flatmates, some kind of Easter meal where we were happy and celebrated life. It cannot happen though, can it? People must ruin things. People must ruin things, they must smash all my hopes on the floor. They have to argue and swear, storm out. Then everything is okay? No, not for me. My insides are still shaking from the anger. Not just mine, but other peoples as well.

They sit there enjoying their meal while I lie here crying and wondering what is wrong with me.

If you do not want to hear my opinions I cannot be your friend.

I don't understand why some people destroy themselves. Money. Okay its there, and its not going away. I suppose its best to watch, to regulate it, perhaps to work for it. People are obsessed with it, that something costs too much. I cannot stand it. It is one of my "super-hates". I have to leave the room. Money does not buy happiness, time or friends, or family. Nothing. Yes, you need some. Yes, its good to have.

Its not the be all or end all. It comes, it goes. Be flexible, laid back. Let it go sometimes.

I despise selfish people. Yes, I do realise that I have selfish qualities, and I do no intend to deny that in anyway but I do wish to discover others.

The main one that I wish to discuss is my friend, Claire, who is generally nice enough. Except, of course, for the fact that she is almost intolerably selfish, and I am not the first to notice this. She comes over nearly every night and asks us what is for dinner, and sometimes even tells us to make dinner for her. She has never made dinner for any of us in the house, and has not contributed to a household shopping. Occasionally she brings over garlic bread or dry, 59c pasta, which she then expects us to cook for her. She does have her own, fully functional, kitchen.

So this evening she missed our scheduled walk and came over at 6ish and told me to make her dinner, and I told her that she could make it herself. She complained a fair bit and then got her boyfriend to drive her into town and buy her dinner. After this she comes back to my house and puts on a movie. Yesterday we were planning to watch Merlin but sitting there announces that she is going to watch Sweeney Todd on my flats TV. I tell her that I would like to watch Merlin, she says no, gets her boyfriend to put Sweeney Todd, I leave to my room and she watches it. Right now she is sitting in my lounge room, on my lounge watching mine (well our flats) television.

I am not impressed. She shall leave her mess on the floor, her dirty plates in the sink and she will go home.